What does breath matter in the face of an enemy?

“LIKE ANYBODY CAN ACCEPT THIS..!” 

He screams into the cold air. His face is contorted into a maddening rage. Every single muscle in his body seems to twitch as it is being strained to its limits.

“LIKE ANY OF THIS IS TRUE!”

He screams towards the black sky.

“YYOU CRUEL GGOD, HOW DARE YOU PLAY SUCH TTRICKS ON ME!?” 

He is crying his heart out.

His voice echoes into the mountains, it comes out inhuman. It is deeper and tainted with sinister tone. His teeth are clenched through every breath. His chest heaves up and down as each breath seems to be deeper than the last one. The veins in his neck bulge, looking as if they are on the verge of popping. His fists are clenched so tight that, he risks making his entire hand white due to lack of blood flow. He is standing with his chest proudly out as he stares into the night sky, expecting someone to look back at him in the eyes.

“God, answer me!”

He demands.

“Answer me before I drag you down from your great throne!”

He doesn’t even know what he’s screaming anymore. Somehow the words seem incredibly appropriate.

“Do not cower from me! God! Show yourself”

He cried and softly, “..please”.

The sky offers no response and no reprieve. The moon seems to taunt him with its brightness. Every star with their twinkle, looks like they are laughing at his misery. Even the night, shrouded in mystery, seems to be just a cloak of deception to hide the true nature of the universe.

Now, he had it enough. He reaches into his pocket and takes out the knife that Prince had bought for him. He points the tip towards the sky. His arm is bulging as he lifts the knife into the air, gripping it so tight that his entire body is shaking. With his teeth grit, he begins to scream,

“God...!”

There is no fear in his voice. Just a scary determination and its satisfaction in his heart. His filled red eyes shine towards the night sky threatening to ignite at any second.

“..I will have you suffer, I will have you feel the pain only humans can feel! I will have you on your knees begging me to stop and in that moment you will know the cost of your cruelty!”

He screamed in single breathe.

His eyes are wide, as tears start pouring out of them, he still stares into the night sky unblinking and unwavering. He grips the knife with such might that the handle might crack into pieces. He can still see her face in his head. He can still hear her voice beyond the grave. He closes his eyes as he recalls her face.

“She crossed her heart promising she would stay with me forever!”  He thinks. “What's significance of heart that has failed promises?”

He opened his eyes as he made a huge decision. His eyes are violent. He points his knife back at his chest. Within a second, he thrusts the knife onto his heart with full force! The knife is too dull to cut his wall of bones. He carves along his chest bone, horizontally, to puncture his heart with animalistic yell, “Aaarrrghhh!”.

A torrent of blood seeps out of his wound. It stains his shirt and pant as it drips down his legs onto the dry rock. With enormous pain, with slow deep breathes, an insane smile spreads across his face as he bends over to look at the ground. It is a desperate smile filled with despair. His drool falls to the ground.

He delights in the pain. The blood seems so beautiful to him. Because, he knows, that kept him alive this whole time. His head aches as he starts to feel incredibly hot all over the body. He lifts up his entire torso to face the sky once again and tries to laugh. He laughs at the cruel joke this universe has played on him. His laugh mixed into the cold air. Tears fell down his cheeks mixing with the drool from his mouth cascading down his neck onto his shirt to form a frightening concoction with his blood.

“Can you feel my pain, God??”

He tried to scream but pain is holding him back to do so.

His chest burns from the cut. His mouth aches for smiling so forcefully. But everything seems so dull to him right now. The pain doesn’t seem real, at all compared to what he is feeling inside. His stomach lurches and while he still looking up at the sky, he vomits due to the pain. His body begs him to bend over to release it all. But he ignores everything and continues to smile and look towards the dark sky. He even refuses to breathe, to retain his eye contact with the dark sky. What does breath matter in the face of such enemy? His entire body shakes violently, perhaps through lack of oxygen, or through anger. Most likely both.

He can no longer laugh. It has been so long since he has even blinked. His body begs him to stop; but he simply stares towards the sky, refusing to submit himself to such cruel God. And he knows, he just have to hold himself a little longer; It all comes to an end in few minutes. He dropped his knife with celebration in his heart. He feels dizzy and fell backwards slowly with his legs and arms stretched. He feels enormous pain, he cough as his heart tries hard to beat. But he is smiling. He is happy to see all the stillness in the sky. He took his last breath; but he is still alive for few seconds. He appreciated himself for what he did. Closed his eyes slowly to see her smiling face. May be with God's mercy, he felt one last breeze on his face.