Random thoughts.

So, here I am - writing this thing at 2 in the morning. Why? there is no point. Right now I am feeling I want to take up some topic and write about it. But at this particular time, it's too soon to go to bed and too late to start something new. I hate this. But I just have to wing it. Once the day begins, once again it's the same morning weather, same old metal gate and rain drops on it. Sometimes they do look beautiful when I think of taking pictures. But when I am busy or late for something, I ignore them. Maybe they were beautiful even when I ignored them. Maybe. I just remembered about the formula that I have been working on since 7 years, almost. The prime numbers! I remember the first time I read about those numbers in my class textbook. They looked so stupid and pointless. Now, I know, I just wasn't ready for them. Thinking about THIS very thought, everything that everybody told me in my life since my early childhood, every advice that everybody gave me - I probably wasn't ready for them. We just wing it. There is so much information out there that it's forcing us to take it all for granted. Even though we don't want to.

The first crazy(important) thought that I had when I was 14 years old, standing on stage, singing prayers for my school assembly, looking at all those people, everybody, so many of them, "What's the point of all this?". Maybe that was the time my whole thinking changed to something different. That easy looking simple question got me so tight that, I had lost complete hopes on life. I asked this questions to many friends, in different ways but nobody seem to understand it. Later when I asked the same question in a more direct way, they got pissed off. Their egos burned so badly that, eventually, I had to shut my mouth. That's when I saw the dark side of rationality. Being rational is good. But there is a dark side of its own. That's where most of the rational people in 7 billion belong. It's easy to categorize them as "normal people" but just like we were dependent on earth's circumference to define early SI unit 'meter', we just wing it. Nobody to judge that rationality. Good for 'rational-people'. Including the Scientists. Scientists were my heroes when I was a little kid. In some point of time, genuinely I did felt to be one. But the way science defines science makes me wonder - are we understanding the existence or making up one? Sure, all science and Scientists aren't the same. But I am talking about the "normal" crowd. The science that makes money is no science; It's a thing in the trash. Rewards and Prizes, little dopamine in their brains; Trained to make themselves 'happy' again and again. Avoiding contradictions entire life? Sure, better forget to breathe in. Things that are controllable are controllable may be because they let you control. Things that are uncontrollable are may be the things that remind us again and again that there are things that are uncontrollable. We all know for sure, nobody can ever imagine the biggest number. Logically, it exists. Materialistically, it's impossible to imagine. Life is full of finite infinities. Everything that exist, exists. Everything that we don't know that exists, exists. EVERY POSSIBLE THING EXISTS. It just needs a completely open mind to realize it. And I think, that's the point of all this. Making our minds open.